the Apocalypse

According to the Mayan calendar, the world was supposed to end on December 2012. I honestly think that was the funniest crap I had ever heard, but a lot of people actually believed it. And then there is the whole ‘End of the World’ thing that the Bible advertises, but never actually happens. Okay, the Bible didn’t exactly give out the dates for the end of the world; it was the over-analyzing humans who made that mess. I couldn’t help but feel bad for the guys who spent money trying to convince people that the world was ending in September, and then had to confess. Okay, that was a waste of time.

But suppose the world actually ends. That in itself is an accomplishment. So, if the world actually ended, it would make everybody’s day. I know that sounds stupid. Why would everyone be happy if the world just ended? Maybe people subconsciously want the world to end. They want to tell their grandkids they saw the world end, that they saw it coming, and that they tried warn to everyone.

If the world ends and we are somehow still alive you will need a couple things to ensure that you keep breathing.

I, for one, recommend forming an Apocalypse Team. This team will help you survive and allow you to keep the human race from extinction. You may or may not have to ditch your family to survive, but what’s the cost of a few lives when the entire human race is at stake?

Some requirements for you and your team members include:

  1. Strong. Somewhat stereotypical, but you have to be strong to survive The Apocalypse. I don’t only mean physically; you have to be mentally strong to survive the rotting zombies that will undoubtedly take over the world, and so on.
  2. Prepared. You have to be prepared for anything that happens, even if that means leaving your best friend behind as she bleeds to death. No, just kidding. You have to be prepared to bandage your best friend/fellow team member. Then you can save her life. And yes, you will be a hero, even though everyone else is dying, and you chose to save only one dying person.
  3. Resourceful. You cannot survive, and neither can your friends, if you always ask before taking. If you do that, you will undoubtedly die. Instead, you must use your resources to survive. For example, if you see a dying man with a knife and other supplies you must first ease his pain. Then you must take the knife and supplies. In exchange for making sure his passing was painless you take your payment. The knife would count, and so would the rest of the supplies. Okay, maybe not the rest of the supplies. But still, he’s dead now, so who else cares?
  4. Smart. Finally your team members must be smart. If you see a hungry boy running towards you with a spear you must not think about taking the spear. You must run because if you do not the desperate boy will kill you for supplies. Be careful who you pick your fights with.


Once you have your team, the only other thing you need is supplies. When taking/bartering/stealing the stuff think about it’s usefulness. For example, instead of going for some makeup you should be thinking about finding food or weapons. Always take things that are useful, and things you will be able to use many times. It’s just smart.

In addition to certain attributes, you will need some things like:

  1. Backpack
  2. Knife
  3. Fishing Line
  4. Water bottle
  5. Water purifier
  6. Tin/Metal Pan
  7. Blanket
  8. Tarp
  9. Warm clothing
  10. Compass
  11. Map
  12. This is a long shot, but some sort of transportation such as a horse would be pretty cool.


With that in mind you should survive. Obviously if all you do is lounge around and watch TV your survival skills won’t be that sharp. Unless if you watch Survivor. Then you will have some overblown notion that to survive you have to kill some poor innocent sheep and eat the guts raw.
I may not be some survival guru, but even I know that’s a crappy idea. Why kill a sheep if you can keep it and get milk, as well as some wool? Maybe the sheep will be a burden, so the best idea is to leave the sheep alone. If it hasn’t threatened you/harmed you yet, it’s probably a good idea to stay out of it’s way.

Finally, and most importantly, don’t forget to keep your humanity. If you lose that then there is no point in living. You might as well keel over right then and there, because once you lose your humanity, you have no purpose in life (or afterlife). All you’re doing is taking up the air and polluting the earth with smog. Or breath. Or whatever they call that stuff.

Afternote: Now that I think about it some more, you will be polluting the earth with Co2.

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